Adapted from: Living Emunah 8 by Rabbi David Ashear

R’ Aharon Margalit was invited to speak in a shul on the topic of kibbud av va’eim. Part of his talk was about children judging their parents favorably. After the speech, an older couple was waiting to speak to him. The husband, who introduced himself as Shmuli,* took a deep breath and shared his heartbreaking story.

Shmuli’s father, a very generous and respected man, had passed away two months previously. He left nine copies of his will; each of the eight children received a copy and the final one went to the community rabbi.

After the shivah, Shmuli opened the will, which clearly detailed all his father’s possessions and assets and how they were to be distributed. When he reached the end of the list, he froze, because one of the children was not mentioned at all — and that was him, the eldest of the siblings. He was utterly shocked and bewildered and felt a terrible sense of betrayal. He had had an excellent relationship with his father throughout his entire life and did not understand why his father would do this to him.

The siblings got along very well, and one of them suggested ignoring the will and redividing everything among the eight of them. Shmuli nixed the idea, saying he did not want to take anything that his father did not want him to have.

Shmuli then said, with tears in his eyes, “Even though the money would have come in handy, what really bothers me is that I can’t understand why my father did this to me. Since that awful day when we read the will, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can barely function, because of all the horrible thoughts swirling through my mind. I’ve lost twenty pounds since that day. And so much of my joy and zest for life has disappeared.

Rabbi Margalit asked Shmuli if he was on good terms with his father, to which he replied that they had been extremely close. The rabbi then asked him how many children he had. He said, “Baruch Hashem, I have twelve and married them all off.” He also said that he struggled greatly with parnassah and had confided in his father about what a rough time he was having. The rabbi asked Shmuli if his father helped him at all financially. Shmuli said, “My father was very generous. He gave me $50,000 for each of my children’s weddings.”

Rabbi Margalit then said, “That means he gave you $600,000. It seems from the will here that each of your siblings received around $300,000. Not only did your father give you, but he gave you double what he gave everyone else.”

Shmuli listened to the rabbi’s words and acknowledged the truth of what he was saying. He then embraced the rabbi and said, “I have no words to thank you. You have removed a boulder from my heart. I’m only wondering why my father didn’t indicate that in the will.”

The rabbi replied, “The question is on you, not him. How did you fail to realize and appreciate all that your father has done for you throughout your life? He gave you double what he gave your siblings, and I assume he didn’t believe you could ever forget such a thing so quickly.”

Unfortunately, sometimes we make the same error that Shmuli made with our Father in Heaven. We get so upset, wondering why Hashem is not giving us what we want, and we feel so entitled to these feelings, especially when we see others getting what we would like for ourselves. But we fail to realize that Hashem has blessed us in so many ways, perhaps giving us double what He gave the people we envy. We may not understand what true blessing is until it is pointed out to us, but at the very least, we should never doubt that Hashem is always giving to us the way that a father should.