Adapted from: From Sorrow to Celebration by Rabbi Paysach J. Krohn

As I thought about the following incident, it occurred to me that perhaps there can be a new understanding of the words Ahavas Chinam, which is usually understood to mean “love for no specific reason.”

Conceivably it could also mean “beyond the ordinary standards of warmth and kindness between friends.” This story about Rav Mattisyahu Salomon (1937-2024), the beloved and revered Mashgiach of Beth Medrash Govoha in Lakewood, is a perfect example.

After Rav Mattisyahu arrived in Lakewood in 1997 from the renowned Torah community of Gateshead, England, he became a beloved and cherished figure throughout the American Torah world. His shmuessen in Lakewood, his lectures at conventions and seminars, and his heartfelt advice to countless people who sought his counsel made him one of the most respected Torah luminaries in our generation. This story reveals his remarkable sensitivity. His actions are worthy of emulation.

The Salomon family lived on Sixth Street, down the block from the yeshivah. Their neighbors were the Epsteins, with whom they soon developed a strong mutual friendship. The families had children the same ages and a simchah for one was a simchah for the other.

In the autumn of 1999, one of the Salomon girls became engaged. There was great joy in the Epstein home as the girls looked forward to dancing at their close friend’s wedding.

Tragically, this was not to be. A few weeks later, just days before Rosh Hashanah, the Salomon’s beloved neighbor, Rabbi Shimon Epstein, a noted talmid chacham and askan, suddenly passed away, and his family was plunged into mourning. The children would not be permitted to attend festive gatherings such as weddings for the twelve months of mourning. Hence, they could not attend the Salomon wedding, adding additional pain to their unexpected loss.

The wedding would be a day of great celebration in Lakewood as befitted a simchah in the beloved Mashgiach’s family. However, during the following weeks, the Salomons made a conscious effort not to talk about the wedding plans within earshot of the Epsteins. 

On the day of the wedding, when the Epstein daughters returned home from work around 6 o’clock, as usual, they found a note on the kitchen table:

To our dear friends, the Epsteins:

Please do not prepare dinner this evening. Your dinner will be served to all of you shortly. We will miss you at the wedding, but we want you to share in our simchah, and so the caterers will be at your home with the wedding dinner.

May we share future simchos,

The Salomons

Within the hour, a truck came from the wedding hall with a full-course meal, including dessert, for every member of the Epstein family. And if that were not enough, as the Epsteins were enjoying this unexpected meal, someone brought them photos that had just been taken at the wedding. Rav Mattisyahu and his wife had arranged for someone to take pictures of the badeken and chuppah, rush to a local one-hour photography store, and then deliver the processed pictures to the Epsteins. Thus, as they were enjoying the wedding meal, they could also enjoy wedding photos!

In the last blessing of the sheva berachos, we thank Hashem for creating the traits of ahavah v’achvah v’shalom v’reiyus, love, brotherhood, peace, and companionship. The events of the evening totally exemplified those words.

We lost the Beis HaMikdash because of Sinas Chinam, baseless hatred; if only we could emulate the Ahavas Chinam of Rav and Rebbetzin Salomon, going beyond the conventional parameters of friendship, we would be hastening the rebuilding of the Beis HaMikdash.